He stands under the shower, feeling pitiful, stupid, and sorry for himself, mentally kicking himself for being naive and innocent. He's falling for a man who was a known assassin, stained his hands with the blood of innocents, and did many terrible things and his own emotions is becoming a confusing mess.
Finally, he looks at him and he realized he misunderstood. It's that sad look, that paralyzed feeling emotions that also touches his heart. He listens to his confession, him admitting it, and maybe his intuition that he felt from before isn't wrong and he tries to understand.
"I'm your first? I think...we have plenty of first today." Silence followed and finally when he felt all clean and gathers the mental energy to scrub and felt anew.
No, there's no disappointment. Just a simple concern and care, "C'mon Xue Yang. If you stayed here too long, you'll get all pruney from all the steam."
He hands him a towel, "And let's slow down and take our time. I'm sorry. But what I felt for you, it's been there for a while now."
Xue Yang grew up on the streets not in the comfort of a sect or under the care of a good teacher. He had no one to watch over him or guide his growth. There was no one that even showed him an ounce of interest. He did what he had to to learn and survive and grow. The fact he even lived this long is a miracle and only made so because of his strong will. So of course he never had anyone to tell him that he was loved.
He cares for Xingchen. He knows that much. If it is love, he can't be sure. Not yet anyway. Not until he can sort out what he is feeling and has time to process it. He won't say something that he isn't sure he feels with every fiber of his soul.
"How can it possibly be a long time? You didn't know it was me in Yi City and you haven't been here that long. How can you be sure what you are feeling?"
Perhaps what he really needs is someone to explain what it even is to have those kinds of feelings and how to know when they have formed.
He shook his head. He finds himself unable to move from the spot, just wanting to linger under the shower much longer. Perhaps he's waiting for Xue Yang to move on and leave him there. Part of him is ready to flee and hide, hide back to that memory in Winter Faire where the feeling for him is genuine and well-hidden and kept away from him.
"It's not Yi City. It's much later than that. It's at the Winter Faire. That's when you changed, and I changed, and I can finally see and I'm seeing you, and that's when I wanted to see more of you." He still doesn't understand it himself and the intensity and complexity of his feelings, but he wishes those days never end.
"Like I said if it goes too fast for you, then I'll slow down."
He walks up and gets under the water again, he closes his eyes as he lets it hit his face and pour down over his hair. He contemplates that for a moment. He knows that he has cared for Xingchen since Yi City. Perhaps only becoming aware of it the moment he lost him...but knowing the feelings were lingering there beneath the surface before then.
"I liked daozhang in Yi City." He's not afraid to admit that. Even if he can't quite understand love, he knows that much.
"It's already been a long time for me." He turns his face and opens his eyes to look at him. "Are you going to stop liking me if I can't say those words yet?"
He blinks and maybe he's starting to understand, he nodded. "Since then...? Doesn't feel like long ago when I was blind. I thought you liked me better when I'm like that." He's grateful to his nephew and the doctor of the Wen sect to help restore his sight.
"I don't know yet." It's his honest answer and he doesn't quite understand either. "But we just made love, so I think that's special. That's why I think we may have something and I wanted to tell you how I felt about you since then. If you don't want me to stop, then we'll just keep going and continue what we have. Love is a very good thing and it means we're becoming a light to each other."
"It doesn't matter to me if you can see or not. It's whatever makes you comfortable that counts, daozhang."
He listens to him talk about being a light and wanting to continue. As long as Xue Yangs hesitancy towards the word love isn't enough to scare him off then he is glad to continue walking down this path with Xingchen.
"I'm going to save them and you'll hear them when you least expect them."
He doesn't mind his hesitancy since he's hesitant as well. "I preferred to be able to see, so I could read books and watch movies. Even if they're a little boring, knowledge is important."
He managed a soft laugh and a soft smile. "I'm surprised you like those things, Xue Yang. I wasn't a romantic at all. I'm just a simple daoist priest that doesn't make much money." He's going to shut off the water because he over rinsed and then takes a towel to dry himself and then get dressed in his hoodie and pants.
"I'm going to read a book and then go to sleep." He said, letting him know his evening is free.
He grabs a towel and starts to dry off as well. He pulls on his clothes and tosses the towel into a bin. "Alright Daozhang. I might just head back to the cabin and go to sleep." He has nothing else he desires to do for the day. It's already been exciting enough for him.
"Come back to my cabin and sleep." He's going to lean in and gives him a quick, sweet kiss on his lips before giving the other the space he needs to think about what has transpired.
"I prayed to the train that you come back and when you did, you're in my cabin. I sleep better when you're around."
He leans into that kiss even though it is quick and then takes Xingchen's hand so that he can pull him towards the door.
"We sleep in the same cabin so you must sleep really well every night." He grins as he looks at him. Clearly the train knew what was going to happen before they did.
"Leave it to me if they bother you." Raven is a nice quiet girl and is one of the healers, but Vexen can be a bit eccentric.
The cabin is empty when they arrived. Xingchen searched for his book from his bed. "Would you like me to read to you as you sleep? It's a book of fairy tales."
"Pretty sure that fairy tales would put me to sleep." It's not exactly the kind of story he would actually care about. But since xingchen is telling it he will at least listen to them for awhile. He flops down on his bed, kicking his shoes beneath it.
"Good. I tell you good ones." Once Xue Yang relaxes and becomes comfortable on his bed, he sat on his bed. There isn't much space, but the weight of his body is warm and close as he curls up on the bed trying to sleep.
He reads out small tales from his book until Xue Yang drifts off and once he does, he smooths out his long black hair as he sleeps off before going to sleep himself on his bed opposite of him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Finally, he looks at him and he realized he misunderstood. It's that sad look, that paralyzed feeling emotions that also touches his heart. He listens to his confession, him admitting it, and maybe his intuition that he felt from before isn't wrong and he tries to understand.
"I'm your first? I think...we have plenty of first today." Silence followed and finally when he felt all clean and gathers the mental energy to scrub and felt anew.
No, there's no disappointment. Just a simple concern and care, "C'mon Xue Yang. If you stayed here too long, you'll get all pruney from all the steam."
He hands him a towel, "And let's slow down and take our time. I'm sorry. But what I felt for you, it's been there for a while now."
no subject
He cares for Xingchen. He knows that much. If it is love, he can't be sure. Not yet anyway. Not until he can sort out what he is feeling and has time to process it. He won't say something that he isn't sure he feels with every fiber of his soul.
"How can it possibly be a long time? You didn't know it was me in Yi City and you haven't been here that long. How can you be sure what you are feeling?"
Perhaps what he really needs is someone to explain what it even is to have those kinds of feelings and how to know when they have formed.
no subject
"It's not Yi City. It's much later than that. It's at the Winter Faire. That's when you changed, and I changed, and I can finally see and I'm seeing you, and that's when I wanted to see more of you." He still doesn't understand it himself and the intensity and complexity of his feelings, but he wishes those days never end.
"Like I said if it goes too fast for you, then I'll slow down."
no subject
"I liked daozhang in Yi City." He's not afraid to admit that. Even if he can't quite understand love, he knows that much.
"It's already been a long time for me." He turns his face and opens his eyes to look at him. "Are you going to stop liking me if I can't say those words yet?"
no subject
"I don't know yet." It's his honest answer and he doesn't quite understand either. "But we just made love, so I think that's special. That's why I think we may have something and I wanted to tell you how I felt about you since then. If you don't want me to stop, then we'll just keep going and continue what we have. Love is a very good thing and it means we're becoming a light to each other."
no subject
He listens to him talk about being a light and wanting to continue. As long as Xue Yangs hesitancy towards the word love isn't enough to scare him off then he is glad to continue walking down this path with Xingchen.
"I'm going to save them and you'll hear them when you least expect them."
no subject
He managed a soft laugh and a soft smile. "I'm surprised you like those things, Xue Yang. I wasn't a romantic at all. I'm just a simple daoist priest that doesn't make much money." He's going to shut off the water because he over rinsed and then takes a towel to dry himself and then get dressed in his hoodie and pants.
"I'm going to read a book and then go to sleep." He said, letting him know his evening is free.
no subject
no subject
"I prayed to the train that you come back and when you did, you're in my cabin. I sleep better when you're around."
no subject
"We sleep in the same cabin so you must sleep really well every night." He grins as he looks at him. Clearly the train knew what was going to happen before they did.
no subject
"Surprisingly, I did. I haven't slept well in a long time. I hope the roommates don't bother you."
no subject
no subject
The cabin is empty when they arrived. Xingchen searched for his book from his bed. "Would you like me to read to you as you sleep? It's a book of fairy tales."
no subject
no subject
He reads out small tales from his book until Xue Yang drifts off and once he does, he smooths out his long black hair as he sleeps off before going to sleep himself on his bed opposite of him.